The Adventure of D
by Mysterylover17
Summary: What happens when a girl must fulfill a prophecy? Find out!
1. Chapter 1

Since the number of badfics in this genre has skyrocketed since the 2004 movie, I feel compelled to write a parody to show all these Sue authors just how ridiculous their writing is. This story is dedicated to all my fellow wankers and is in loving memory of our dear friends Grammar, Spelling and Canon Leroux. All of whom have been slaughtered in this horrible Mary Sue stories. Feel free to review or flame. I really don't care.

The French Country Side-18something. (Badfic writers are way to lazy to figure out dates)

It was a beautiful day in the French countryside. The sky was cayenne, blue, indigo, periwinkle and was being kissed by orange by the sun's last rays. In a random clearing in the random woods of the French countryside, was a small house. Everything about this house was perfect.

Inside, one of the most beautiful women ever to grace this planet was giving birth to what would be the most talented and beautiful baby girl. Because the mother was so perfect, she did not undergo labor pains and the wee baby girl just popped out of the womb. Even though she was covered with blood and placenta, the mother squealed at the sight of her perfect child.

All of a sudden, a bright light filled the house and a fairy appeared dressed in all pink. She held a wand over the baby's head and began to speak. "Oh perfect little child. You have a duty to fill from beyond. Your mother is going to die and so is your father. You will then be completely destitute. So you will go to Paris, one of the most expensive cities in all of Europe. You will meet a Madame Giry and she will house you in one of the non-existent dormitories in the Paris Opera House. There, you will fall in love with a deranged, obsessive walking corpse with no nose who stinks of death. You will make him fall in love with you and forget all about his true love the beautiful yet expressionless Christine Daae without the accent over the e. You will know it is him because Christine will call him her Angel of Music. You will have hot passionate sex together and make the most beautiful babies ever.

'But in order to show him you are a kindred spirit, I must give you a deformity." With a wave of her wand, the little baby's hands began to shake. Suddenly, rather large scars covered them. "Your name, fair one is Desmonda Olga Mitilda Cheryl Gretchen the Third. But they will all call you D for short."

The fairy left and years passed. Her prophecy came true.

Paris-1880 something

D entered the opulent opera house and was immediately smitten by the opulence of everything. It was perfect just like she would be if she didn't have the horrible scars on her hands. She was dressed in all rags. She entered the grand foyer and then walked into the auditorium. Once again the beauty of it all smote her.

"You there. What do you want?"

D looked up to see a lady clad all in black holding a very large stick. "Me?"

"Yes you."

"I—I was told to come here. This is where all destitute women come."

"Ah. I see. My name is Madame Giry. Welcome. I will put you into the fake dormitories after rehearsal. You look like a dancer even though you've probably never had a lesson in your life. Come. Dance."

D nervously walked to the dance floor and immediately picked up the steps. She was going to the be new prima ballerina. As she danced, she noticed a dark figure in the corner. When Madame Giry gave them a five-minute break, D cautiously approached the figure.

The figure seated in the corner was young Meg Giry. She was dressed all in black, with thick black eyeliner and black lipstick. Even though they weren't invented yet, she was wearing headphones and blasting Evanescence. She was studying her left wrist intently and holding a thumbtack to the vein.

"Hello!" D said cheerily. "I'm D. Who are you?"

"Fuck you."

"What?"

"I said fuck you. I'm busy hating my life right now okay? I have a loving mother who just wants what's best for me, but she's always doting on Christine not me. Christine gets everything. Including the deformed, walking corpse who stinks of death who stalks her and murders people for her. Me? What do I get? Nothing. I'm just Meg. Little Meg who, although loved by her mother and is a great dancer, has the worst life in the world. So be gone you and let me get back to my wangsting."

D was struck silent and watched as the thumbtack lightly caressed Meg's white wrist.

"Don't pay her any mind," said a voice.

D looked up and saw a girl who wore the same facial expression every second. "Hello."

"I'm Christine Daae (with no accent). That's Meg my best friend."

"Fuckin' whore," Meg said still caressing her wrist with the thumbtack.

"Wait you're the Christine Daae? Do you have an angel of music?"

"Yes I do," Christine replied. "How do you know that?"

"You see, there is this prophecy I must fulfill just because. And it involves you. What is this Angel's name?"

Christine shrugged. "I don't know. He just told me to call him Masterful Virgin and that he'd make my sleeping buds burst into bloom."

"Whore," said Meg.

"Masterful Virgin?" D asked.

Christine nodded. "Yes that's what I call him. My Masterful Virgin."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. Here is the second (short) installment of The Adveture of D. Enjoy! 

"Oh puh-lease," Meg said, throwing her thumbtack across the floor. "Masterful Virgin my ass. He's probably some thirty something year old who can't sing and has a Scottish accent."

Christine's expression didn't change but D seemed to think the girl was surprised by her friend's outburst. "I don't think he's Scottish. Hm. Shouldn't he be French since we live in France?"

Meg shrugged and upped the volume on her iPod which hadn't been invented yet. "Should be but you never know who the powers that be will pick. Doesn't life just suck? I think I'm just going to end mine. Now where the fuck did I put my thumbtack?" Meg stalked away, leaving D and Christine staring at one another.

"Is she okay?" D inquired (because it's a bigger word then asked and sounds more authory)

"Who Meg? Of course. She just hates her life because everyone focuses on me. You see, I have these two suitors--"

"Christine! Christine! Where are you? We have dinner reservations at one of the swankiest restaurants in all of Paris. How did you forget that Little Lotte?"

D was startled by the voice and looked at the man who was speaking. He was very tall and had long hair. He resembled someone named Fabio who, D reasoned, was from another time. (She can use her Sue powers to see into the future). Because he was dressed garishly, with shinning boots, a rather large top hair and a coat made of the finest fur, D immediately placed him as a fop. And D loathed all fops, mostly because they were beautiful and her hands were badly deformed. Even though he spoke kindly, D could not help but think that there was something menacing about this man. Perhaps he was a drinker and beat Christine senselessly for no apparent reason. D knew she did not want to involve herself with this rather dashing psychopath.

"Oh Raoul, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to forget. In fact, it just slipped my mind. I mean, I was showing my dear friend D around the opera house."

Christine grabbed D's arm roughly and pushed her in front of Raoul.

Raoul allowed his gaze to examine her lazily and he was suddenly filled with lusting. He wanted her body badly but his decorum and the thought of all the women that Christine didn't know about waiting for him at his chateau, stopped him from sexing her right there. "Hello," Raoul said, his voice oozing with disgusting charm.

"Hi."

"I see you've gotten the attention of my Little Lotte. That's good. I will be seeing you around then."

Christine nodded and quickly removed her hand from D's arm. With her head down in a subservient pose, Christine walked out of the auditorium with Raoul. Something, D decided, was extremely odd in this Opera House and she wanted to know just what it was.


End file.
